Stand on Your Noblest Existence.
Spark | by Suhailah | Newsletter Issue 01.
Quotes of the Week:
From others:
“Stand on your noblest existence.” – My father, Erutan Abdullah Yoba
“There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew.” – Marshall McLuhan
“There is a part of us that knows without being taught. This is our divinity.” – Gregg Braden.
From me:
“You must decide, that you are priceless.” - Suhailah
Self-Inquiry/Journal and/or Meditation Prompts:
1. Who am I? (Other than your name, title, or limited/false sense of identity.)
2. In what ways am I, daily, contributing to my own growth and evolution, and so to this planet (the collective consciousness) that we call home? (Instead of just complaining about myself and others and what they should be doing or being.)
Story Time:
When I was a kid, I decided I wanted to win the Nobel Peace Prize. The prize for what exactly, I have no idea.
The reason being that my father used to say “Stand on your noblest existence.”
As a kid, I did not know or truly understand what noble really meant. I just knew how it sounded and felt to my ears, to my spirit – like it was something important, something fancy. Like something priceless that could not be bought. It felt grand. Something I would have to elevate myself to. As someone who likes big goals to shoot for, even then, this did not scare me or seem impossible in the least bit.
Later, when I first heard the word “nobel” as in the Nobel Peace Prize, not understanding the difference and just hearing how it sounded - Nobel and noble - I thought it was the same word, the same thing, the same meaning.
It also had the word “peace” in it, and so I decided that that could only be an added bonus - extra credit - as my childhood experience was the exact opposite of peace and it, peace, was something that seemed otherworldly…magical…soft. Like a cloud in the sky looks to the human eye. Like cotton, or cotton candy. Something I could rest in and enjoy. Something I could feel at ease in. I was never at ease as a child.
To reach either of these things - noble and/or peace - from where I stood then would have meant that a seismic shift in my internal and external reality and landscape would have to have taken place. And so even though I could not fathom how such a thing would happen, or how to get to such a place or state, I decided that this would be a worthy goal to strive for no matter how long it took. Not at all knowing, back then, what any length of time felt like other than a childhood summer going by way too fast.
I also didn’t know what the Nobel Peace Prize actually was (still really don’t), let alone how one goes about winning one. To my young mind, I thought it must have been a trophy or award of some kind – like a statue. Like something you win for good sportsmanship in the community center gym in Spanish Harlem, where I grew up.
Also, if the phrase “…or I will die trying” were a person, it would be me. I am tenacious by nature. I don’t give up easily or often on the things that I want. I tend to think anything is possible, even if I have no proof that it is.
Back then, I just felt that if I got to the place in life where I could win something called the Noble Peace Prize, it would mean that I had achieved what my father instructed us to do, and so that in itself must have meant something great. That was worth something to me. The journey did not scare me —again, not that I had any concept or awareness of what a life-long journey towards a goal would feel like or entail.
Just now, I went and looked up the dictionary definition, etymology, and all of the synonyms associated with this word, noble. This is part of what I found:
Now, my father also used to tell us that we were Kings and Queens, and that we came from kings and queens - our ancestors - in Africa. Knowing this, I am pretty certain that as a kid I most likely leaned into the 1st definitions (under both adjective and noun) in the above definitions: of noble birth, lady, lord, noblemen/women.
But the 2nd one under adjective stands out to me most now. To be upright, honorable, and the other meanings not seen here like dignified, ethical, excellent, and MAGNIFICENT.
I am not an angel by any stretch of the imagination, and I am far from “holier than thou.” I often curse like a sailor (look it up if you don’t know what that means), and as much as I like to think I am the most patient and understanding person in the world to all people at all times, I have a very low tolerance for nonsense as well as ignorance, and a short fuse and a hot temper…at times. But I do, also, have what some (most) would probably call a high moral code, a clear moral compass, and high standards for excellence and values for how I want to be…and for how I want to be towards others in this world, even if I sometimes fall short in reality. And this, I am sure, is what my father meant, to begin with.
There is a responsibility, I feel, in being human, and having to share and interact with our fellow humans on this planet. For whatever reason, I have never taken this responsibility - my responsibility - lightly. I treat it like both a school of learning and like learning on the job, and I am both passionate and intense in this way.
In thinking about that little girl in me who wanted to win the Noble Peace Prize and the reasons why, and where and how I stand now, I wonder if there was a part of me that always knew I would end up here - still aiming, at least, to be noble each day; To live and stand on my noblest existence, as my father said. Doing pretty good on more of them (days), than not.
In today’s popular culture lingo where people often use the term “standing on business” – this kind of goal and aim is the only kind that has ever truly mattered to me.
Ignited by my father through his words, but guided by spirit and my own inner knowingness, no one taught me how to be anything that I am now. It is something of the divine as it mostly all came from within. Often, one hurt, pain, trauma, sense of suffering, and, ultimately, one self-inquiry, self-reflection, introspection, and bright or subtle lightbulb and “aha moment” at a time.
Therefore, any grace or light that I carry and that others may gleam or perceive within and emanating from me now, is a direct result of facing, feeling, and coming to understand my shadows and my own darkness, my own pain, and transmuting it all so that the light that has always been there – my divinity – can shine “bright like a diamond” (sings Rihanna song as I type).
This, is an ongoing process and it has never been easy; the process itself has also never been fun. The results? In my life, and in how I feel inside of myself where I have to live with myself 100% of the time? And how I am with others and they are, mostly, with me? The capacity that I have developed? Worth it. every. single. minute of it.
My childhood was less than ideal, but I’ve come to understand and to know that it was all perfect for me and who I was then, and the perfect fertile ground and soil for who I was and was always meant to become. Learning to turn pain and suffering into a thing of beauty is not for the faint of heart, but I hold zero regrets or hard feelings for this journey that I have been placed on.
My father sparked something within me. A lot of times, he did.
Whether he did these things – said these thing to me and my siblings – with the understanding that they would, for one, ignite something within me that made me think my very being was important – us being kings and queens and all; And, for two, would ignite the flame that would only grow bigger and more determined throughout my lifetime – I’ll never know.
Either way, I am eternally grateful. And so now, Noble or Nobel Peace Prize or not, here, with this newsletter and all that I do with this life of mine and through my life’s work, I hope to ignite that same spark within someone else who might need it right now. The same remembrance that you are a KING or a QUEEN, and that you are something of the divine.
Now please, go…stand on your noblest existence. Whatever that looks like for you. The world needs your light now, more than ever.
Thank you for being here with me.
~ Suhailah 🩵
Photo Credit at top: by Bram. on Unsplash
Copyright © 2024 Suhailah H. Yoba. All rights reserved.